God is good all the time

DSC_0550

The last two months have been nothing short of super crappy. You know those seasons of life, whether their long or short, that just make you feel like the life vest you bought doesn’t work. Or that parachute is a knapsack (10 points to who ever names this quote)?

That’s been my last two months.

We went through the whole ear infection, insomnia debacle. Then moved to allergies and a “maybe she has asthma” diagnosis. And ended with a little bit of heart break.

I’m not super ready to share all those details yet, if I ever do. But ya’ll. This isn’t just me complaining. But the last couple of months have been really hard.

And I have no idea how I would have gotten through any of it, if it wasn’t for the grace and mercy of Jesus.

So for that reason, I’m here to tell you this:

Heartbreak, loss, disappointment and every other crap emotion is going to happen. There’s no way around it.

But in Jesus. There’s this beautiful thing called hope. He promises to never leave us. He promises that after the rain, there’s going to be a big beautiful rainbow. His arms are never not wrapped around us when we call out to Him. Ever.

Maybe you’re like me and you just need a little reminder that God is good all the time. 

Through it all. He is good. 

I don’t know where this finds you today, but on top of the love God has for you, also know that you aren’t alone. In whatever it is you might be going through.
And listen, if life is amazing for you right now. Celebrate that. Give God all the glory.

Here’s to thanking and praising Him no matter the season we’re in.

 

 

 

Continue Reading

Hello, it’s me

Still here.

Kinda?

We’ve gone through a r o u g h couple of months with Miss Emily. Think allergies, turned into an ear infection, which lead to antibiotics which caused insomnia, couple with some sleep regression, and topping it all off with starting school.

Things are (PRAYERFULLY) getting back to normal around here. Slowly. But surely.

Hoping you had a blessed Easter!

696c2ab68e822622ac157c40c561acef

*child* #noshame

Continue Reading

A Change of View

d6a58a146095b7d53e0ccc48c73d6584

I’ve given the thought of deleting my Facebook over and over again. The only thing that’s actually stopped me is because I have to have a personal Facebook to keep my business Facebook up and running.

So I’ve huffed and I’ve puffed, clearly lacking any self control in just not going on.

The last year I think it’s safe to say we’ve all seen our ups and downs. We’ve all posted statues, or replied to someones status in a way that might may us go, “Hmmm maybe that wasn’t the best choice of words”.

If that’s not you, congrats. You’re perfect. Move on.

I’ve found myself more times than not super pissed at what I’m reading. The Womens March a couple weeks ago just about sent me into a tizzy. Millions of women marching “for women” but also to *keep* the right to abort a beautiful baby girl. I scratch my head in confusion.

I’ve figured out that abortion is that button for me. Some people it’s politics, some people it’s religion, some people it’s the refugees, and a loooooot of people it’s President Trump.
It’s just that thing that gets me all riled up because y’all. I just want to save all the babies. And I can’t understand why others don’t too. So as of lately, my entire Facebook has been status updates and shares from pro-life organizations, or this video, to which I can’t even.

I’ve gotten into some heated debates with these things with friends, whom I love, but whom I’ve wanted to shake and scream, “ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?”

And I’m sure they’ve thought the same about me.

Which last night I realized…is ok.

I think the minute we live in a society where we all just nod our heads in agreement no matter what, we’re in for some trouble.

The beautiful thing about this country is that we get to each have our own opinions on everything.
The President.
Refugees.
Healthcare.
You get the point.

And here’s the other most beautiful thing about today, that big beautiful “UNFOLLOW” button on Facebook.

I’ve decided that I won’t be shying away from my opinion or beliefs any time soon. I can’t. My mother is what I’ve always called a “Raging Republican” and while at times as a kid I wanted to hide my head in the sand…most times, and especially now, I look at her and think “Oh, so this is where I get it”. And I’m proud of that.

I want people to know that I love Jesus and I want to end abortion. I want people to know that I do support our current President because he did in fact nominate a very conservative Judge, like he said he would.

But mostly. I want people to know that I’d love to carry on a conversation with them especially if we don’t agree.

It’s clear that this country is super divided right now, but what if we used our difference in opinions to make things better again.

What if instead of just giving up on social media, or people in general, we go back to the “your opinion is different than mine and that’s ok”.

Can I sit here and say with 100% confidence that I won’t get mad at something someone posts, of course not.
But I can sit here and say with 100% confidence that instead of looking at Facebook as this giant pile of crap right now, I’ll look at it as an opportunity to learn. Maybe I didn’t know that about this persons beliefs, because they went through that. Maybe I can work on not jumping to conclusions so quickly.

Do you get where I’m going with this?

I’m changing my mind about Facebook these days. And I think it’s for the better.

 

 

Continue Reading

Six Years

182905_182397628468634_8176063_n

 

S I X  years. Eight together total.

One dog, one sweet baby girl, three houses, three different towns, and a partridge in a pear tree.

We say it all the time about Emily, but I don’t know what my life was before he came along. It’s cheesy and cliche but he is honestly the missing piece in my life, and I’m lucky to have found him.

I’ve always been asked about why I got married so young. I was a month into my twenty first year and looking back on it, I was a total baby. But I’ve never been good at waiting for things. So when Sonny and I started dating and I knew this was it, I hounded him for a year. Ha! Jk. We both had the mentality of why wait. We found each other, we knew we wanted to get married, why wait for some magical age.

There’s this really terrible thought process that floats around that you need to “find yourself” before you get married, and I’m here to tell you that it’s all a load of crap. I’m first and foremost found in Jesus.

And I love the fact that I got to “find myself” along side my husband. Wanna know why? Because if it wasn’t for him, I don’t know if I would have.

Sonny is by nature an encourager. I can’t wait to see him with Emily as she grows up. If it wasn’t for him, I’m not sure I would have quit my serving job to follow my dreams. If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be a stay at home mom.

I’ve found out a lot about myself in the last seven years. I’ve found out that I was made to be a wife and a mom. Without a doubt. I’ve found out that there’s so much more to life than wondering through it worrying about you and only you.

I have loved every minute of the last seven years with Sonny.

We’ve grown so much together, and a little on our own. But even the growth we’ve done on our own has made us so much stronger as a couple.

So here’s to seven years. Cheers my love, I love you more than anything.

Continue Reading

Mommy “Me Time

unnamed (1)

Being a stay at home mom is hard.

I know this isn’t a life changing revelation, but it’s the truth. The hard, cold truth that I don’t think a lot of moms talk about.

It’s only the second week in January, and I’m already feeling like I can’t keep my head above water. Christmas decorations just got taken down, my house is never clean like I want it, the laundry is never done, and this blog post never gets written.

Em isn’t taking very long naps during the day, so if I’m lucky, I get (at most) an hour and a half a day to do things for myself. I make lunch, work out, try to get in the Word and then she’s up.

I honestly don’t know how mothers of toddlers get anything done during the day when they’re awake.

I love the stage she’s in. I really, truly do. She’s my tiny best friend and I wouldn’t change that for the world. She talks, gibberish, she walks, she plays…but she needs constant supervision. I’m also still on the “not too much tv” train, which means I try to limit that to just in the mornings. Some days. I fail miserably at that. But most days I try really hard to get her outside, playing with the thousands of toys she has, or doing something productive.

She’s in bed and asleep by 7, which is great because then I get to make dinner and hang out with the hubs. I love to cook. It soothes me. It’s the only thing in my life that I can do and not think about anything else. Honestly. The world could be on fire and I wouldn’t notice while I cooked. By the time we’re done eating and hang out for a bit, it’s 930, and then time for bed.

Before the year ended last year I started to think about how I could fit more me time into my day. Because ya’ll. Mothers need time to themselves. I’m sure it’s been scientifically proven. I can tell you, from first hand experience, if we don’t get time to ourselves, we’ll go insane. Not that I’m totally insane yet.

We need time to recharge, regroup, and figure out what in the world we’re doing.

I decided on putting Em into a “school” for a couple days a week. We’re currently in the middle of deciding on a school, or Mommys Day Out program.

And I’ll be totally honest here and say that I’m really excited for her to go.

First and foremost. It’s good for her. Like really good. Not to sound like one of those hippie moms but the socialization for her will do wonders. Hello only child. Also, the older she gets, the more I realize I need help in the “education” department. I’m great at playing with her and showing her colors and shapes, but I don’t have the gift of teaching.

So I’m finding someone else who does.

Because I also think it’s really important as mothers to know what our gifts are, and what gifts we don’t have so we can find help.

She’ll go for two days a week in the morning, and I am already planning out my days.

I can’t and won’t feel bad about this decision.

Some moms can do it. Some can keep their babes home until they go to kindergarten and it’s wonderful. I’m learning that I can’t. Does that sting a little for me? Of course. And honestly, this might not work out at all, but I’m giving it a try because I think it’s the best thing to do for our family.

And that’s the key here, mamas. You have got to do what’s best for your family.

I run a photography business as well. Which is needing a lot more attention then I am giving it/ can give it right now. This blog can be inserted into that category as well.

I think it’s really easy to look on Instagram and see the perfect stay at home mom, with her perfect kids and her perfect pictures and wonder how she does it all.

I’m here to tell you, that either she has help, or she’s totally faking it.

I’ve decided to stop faking it. Not that I think I portray this picture perfect life on Instagram, but I’m done trying to pretend like I’ve got it all, while I also keep feeling like my life vest wasn’t inflated properly.

God has blessed me with the most amazing husband who has given me the most amazing opportunity to be a stay at home mommy to the worlds best kid. I’m learning what I’m really good at as a mom, and what I’m not stellar at.

I’m not good at asking for help either. So maybe this is me working on that too. I’m not good at saying, “Hey, I need a couple hours to myself”. Weeks will go by and I’ll realize I haven’t spent any time to myself and then hit a wall. Not fair to me, or my family.

Mama needs to get her stuff in order. Mama needs to spend some time letting her brain think about things other than, “Is the Tiny one hungry, tired, or need to be changed?” And just because I want to do these things, doesn’t make me a bad mom. It will make me a better one.

Some moms can do it all. I can’t.

Being a mother is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I’ve grown and changed so much. But I’m still here.

So here’s to working on ourselves mamas.

How do you spend sometime focusing just on you?

PS.
I want to make sure everyone knows that I don’t take being a stay at home mom for granted. I do not. I’m nervous to hit publish on this post because I don’t want it to be taken the wrong way. Let’s be honest, maybe that’s a little bit of guilt that I can’t figure out how to be super mom, business owner, homemaker and wife all the time. Or maybe…just maybe, I’ll hear from another mom who gets it. Either way. This is my heart. I love my baby girl more than life itself, and I am so thankful to have the husband I do.

 

Continue Reading

2017

Processed with VSCO with f2 preset

2016 was a tough year for the world.

Which is weird because it was one of the best I’ve had personally…hello, my baby girl turned ONE.

But it did seem like every night, I hugged her a little tighter because of something that brought tears to my eyes during the day. A shooting, or a terrorist attack. I watched as my own community was the victim of both of those. In one weekend we saw a young pop star shot point blank, a terrorist shoot up a local night club, and a young boy drowned by an alligator. It was a tough year, for sure.

And then we have the 2016 election season. I think we’re all still thanking God it’s finally over, ok maybe not all of us, but I’m sure happy it’s over. We’re certainly more divided than when we rang in the New Year last year, and that’s what really makes me sad.

So I think we all have to try better. Me, you, everyone. We’ve got to get back to the point where we actually like each other and don’t mind if our opinions are different.

For me, it’s really simple. I’ve got to get with God more. Way, way, way more.
I saw this quote on the Proverbs 31 Instagram:

“A real sigh of spiritual maturity is looking to God for purpose and perspective instead of comfort and convenience.”

A lot of my prayers are, “Thank You Lord for…” and then you fill in the blank. It’s always whenever I can find the five minutes to do it too.

It’s comfortable and convenient. It’s honestly not working.

So in effort to get better at…well everything, I picked the word FOCUS for 2017.

I looked up the definition of focus: a central point, attention or activity.
The synonyms though are what really got me: center, heart, core.

I actually struggled with what word to pick. I’ve been following along with Lara Casey’s goal setting and I was going to skip the whole word for the year thing, because I’ve felt like in the past, I’ve picked a word and forgotten about it or let it go by January 10th.

But something about focus just hit me.

Center, heart, core.

J E S U S.

Jesus at the center, Jesus in my heart, Jesus at the core. Of it all.
I think I’ve tried to make this whole picking a word thing too hard. Put too much pressure on it.
So I’m simplifying it this year.

Like the beginning of every year, I’m so excited for January 1.

Cheers to a New Year, friends! Have you picked your word?

 

Continue Reading

2016 Christmas Card

Christmas cards have always been my thing. Send out my adorable family for everyone to *hopefully* hang on their fridge, yes please. See my cute baby and mini horse dog? Without a doubt.

But not this year. I know everyone’s been waiting on pins and needles for it, but we’re a no go this year.

I’ve decided that I’m not going to stress over anymore. So if you’ve been patiently waiting for my Christmas card, here it is:

card

Plus, now I can tell you all about our year!

*Emily turned ONE! We had the most amazing Sesame Street themed party, and as I type this I realize I never blogged about her party. Whoops. It’s true what they say, it goes by too quickly. How she’s already one, I have no idea. But I will say that the older she gets, the more fun she is. She’s my little best friend who I get to hang out with every day.

*We took Em to Disney for the first time! This was obviously more for mommy than Em since she really had no idea where we were, but you guys. Taking your tiny human to the happiest place on earth is the best thing ever.

*Emily got dedicated to the Lord! The day after she turned one! I wrote a blog about it, you can read that here.

*We learned that Emmy will have another cousin…a BOY! We can’t wait to meet Mikey in February!

*Emily had her first trip to the emergency room when mommy gave her eggs and she had an allergic reaction to them. Well done, mom.

*Em took her first steps. Every parent I talked to told me to wait for her to walk, don’t rush it. But ya’ll. I couldn’t wait for her to walk! Is it more exhausting, maybe, but watching her walk around like a drunken old man is the best thing ever.

*We all experience the first actual hurricane to hit Central Florida in years. It was a big storm by the time it hit, so thank the Lord for that. But we evacuated to a hotel near Disney, and Em seemed to enjoy her min-vaca.

*EM GOT TO SEE CLEVELAND WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP! Still riding that high cloud.

*Em saw the Easter Bunny for the first time, went great. Saw Santa for the second time, still not a fan.

15439896_10153937645322096_6932304196748914413_n

Ok so yes, all of that has to do with Em.
But Sonny has had an amazing year with his business and we are so proud of all the work he’s done. And me…I’m still trying to figure out how I got so lucky to live this life.

Wishing you and yours the most wonderful Christmas, and a very Happy New Year.

 

Continue Reading

#saveTurkeyDay

Processed with VSCO with a5 preset

I gatta be honest you guys.

I’m super upset the whole world has totally given up on Thanksgiving and moved onto Christmas.

My friend Chelsea has always been a champion for Turkey Day and I’m not sure if it’s having a tiny human or what but the past two years I have been all about the Turkey.

I guess I’m just confused as to why we’ve decided to skip celebrating Thanksgiving. I means, yes, we still eat the turkey and the stuffing, but other than that, we’re just always in a hurry to get to Santa.

And believe me.

I love that big guy as much as the next girl. But you guys. Thanksgiving is so wonderful.

I was in Home Goods last week, November 8th, and there wasn’t any Thanksgiving decorations left. It was all Christmas.

Same thing with Target. Same thing with Walmart…yeah, I was so desperate I went into Walmart.

This is absurd. The second week in November, and we’re already completely done with Thanksgiving? I honestly feel like next year Christmas decorations will be out before the Halloween ones.

Again, I’ll state that I love Christmas. And having a tiny human makes it that much better, makes every holiday better. But I just can’t understand why we’re giving up on Thanksgiving.

Maybe we can start a hashtag. Or a movement. Protest outside of stores (joking). Or maybe…maybe we can all just chill on Christmas. Maybe we can realize that Thanksgiving is such a perfect holiday to relax. It’s a holiday created around food, I mean, I don’t think that’s historical, but that’s what I believe.

The older I get the more I love this holiday. I always thought it was a kick start to Christmas too.

I mean, I hate to break hearts here.
But Christmas doesn’t really start until Santa makes his way down that parade route anyways.

So here’s to saving Thanksgiving. Here’s to enjoying this holiday instead of steam rolling over it just to get to Christmas.

Continue Reading

The Election Season is OVER

You guys.

We did it! We (barely) made it!

I’ll go ahead and admit that this is how I’ve felt for the last year:

It has been nothing short of a circus. A honest to goodness, we should be paying for this, circus.

We’ve gone through 100 potential candidates. Each one dipping out at the appropriate time, except for this guy:

Who was so confident he named his running mate before getting the nomination.

And so we’re down to these two knuckle heads:

Well done America, well done. Can’t blame me. I didn’t vote for either of them in the primary. #imissben

He’s orange, and she’s a liar. He can’t quite figure out how to keep his big mouth shut, and she’s still trying to figure out what C stands for.

But. God willing, we will be done with this tonight.

Just a recommendation though, I’d get a bottle of wine…or five. Tonight might be a long night.

Continue Reading

I am not defined by the number on my jeans.

Processed with VSCO with b1 preset

My sweet baby girl is fourteen months old,
and I still don’t fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans.

Dang, that feels good to say.

I want to start by saying that I’m cheering you moms on that can get back into your jeans. I am. I’m insanely jealous, but I’m cheering you on. Because we’re all in this together.

But I defiantly don’t think we talk about the fact that our bodies are completely different than they used to be enough, which means that it’s ok if we don’t ever fit back into those pre-pregnancy jeans. Because we aren’t defined by a number embroidered on our pants. 

I grew a new organ, which helped me grow and house a HUMAN BEING for nine months. My body is different. My hips got wider, my boobs got bigger, my butt got bigger, I saw cottage cheese on my thighs that I had never seen before…but I grew and birthed a healthy beautiful and perfect baby girl.

I decided to go jeans shopping the other day for the first time since Em’s been born. I had picked up a pair of jeans at Target after she was born because I just couldn’t do maternity clothes anymore. But since she’s been here, I haven’t ventured into a store specifically looking for jeans. To be honest, I’ve been wearing jeans with a rubber band around the buttons this whole time.
So I headed to the mall.

I knew going in that I needed to start with a size up from what I used to be. Which I’m honestly fine with. Because, and lets all say this together: I am not defined by a number on my pants.
I went into Lucky first because years ago I had bought a couple pairs of their jeans and they lasted me…well years. I grabbed the size 8 and headed for the dressing room.

I couldn’t even get the buttons close to each other.
I checked the tag to make sure I hadn’t picked up a size 4 on accident.
Nope. That big 8/29 was staring me in the face.

Tears filled my eyes.

I am not defined by a number,

but it sure did feel crappy not fitting into those jeans.

It’s totally shallow, but I wasn’t about to go up any further in sizes there. It just wasn’t worth it to me. Having been a size 6 my whole life pretty much, I’m not sure I would have handled seeing double digits well.

Can we pause for a moment and just all yell out, “WHY CAN’T ALL SIZES BE THE SAME?!” Why is an 8 at one place a 2 at another?!

I’d also like to add that I felt like I couldn’t fit in any less in that store. There I was, hair up in a bun, Indians shirt on, pushing my stroller through the most cramped store on earth, while all the employees stared at me.

I left the jeans in the changing room and headed out.

We strolled into Gap where I couldn’t find a wash that I loved.
Loft had jeans that made me have a huge crotch bulge when I sat down.
And I honest to God gave Hollister a thought but then if an 8 at Lucky didn’t fit, there wasn’t the slightest glimmer of hope for me there.

I left the mall feeling terrible about myself.

It’s hard being a woman you guys. And even more so a mom. When you’re surrounded by fitness Instagram accounts of moms that do nothing but post shirtless selfies, you can get yourself into a big hole. When you’ve got friends that won’t stop bragging about all the weight they lost breastfeeding, you can get yourself into a big hole. While other moms are posting pictures in full make up and hair done, I’m lucky to have gotten in the shower before 4 pm.

Even as I write this, I have that crap feeling in my gut.
Like I don’t do enough.
Like I didn’t breastfeed for long enough.
Like I’m not enough.

But we have to stop.

Moms that still don’t fit into your pre-pregnancy jeans and you’re kids one, or two, or five…we have to stop comparing ourselves to the moms who can.
Our lives are different.

My brain doesn’t wake up thinking, “I gatta work out”, it’s always thinking, “Oh please go back to bed for 15 more minutes”. I’ll take butter over coconut oil every day.
Wine. It’s just a non-negotiable for me.
On crappy days I want to wallow in self-pity with a big bowl of pasta or fried rice.

 I am not defined by a number on my jeans. 

As far as I know, I’m healthy. I take the kids (dog included here) on a walk every morning. I try to cook at home as often as possible. I also try to get yoga in daily. But I have too many other wonderful things happening in my life right now to worry about what size jeans I bought.

Which are an 8 at Target incase you were wondering.
Target, with the win. Per usual. 

So here’s what needs to happen.
I need to quit rolling my eyes when I see other mama friends say they fit back into those jeans. Because I’ll say it again, I am applauding you over here!
But I also think that we’ve become this super workout driven society that almost border line shames people into thinking that if they don’t do it, they don’t fit in.

Do I think we all need to take care of ourselves? Of course.
Do I think I could be doing more to loose weight and be in better shape? Of course.

But this is where I am. And while not every day I feel great about it, I have to realize that I’m making all the choices in my life, which means there’s no one here to blame, or celebrate but me.

So if you fit into those jeans or not.

It’s fine.

Because the number on them doesn’t define you. 

 

Continue Reading
1 2 3 5