On being a mama

{August 22, 2015}
Since I can remember I wanted to be forty five different things when I “grew up”.
A veterinarian, a teacher, a preacher, a writer, a speaker, a journalist. You name it, I most likely majored in it in college.
I finally settled on a English/Creative Writing degree, which I proudly have from UCF, and proceeded to start a photography business.
You can laugh. I’m chuckling as I write this.
When I got pregnant things with my bushiness slowed down. Ok to be totally honest, they had started to about a month before I saw that little plus sign, and I was freaking out. I know now, that it was all the Lords plan. Because those first four months of pregnancy were spent in the bathroom, and I couldn’t have done any photo shoots if I tried.
So then I spent the next five months shooting very little, two weddings and a hand full of family sessions, and wondering how I’d do it once the baby got here.
How would I spend my weekends away? How many weddings per year would I do?
And then Emily Mae came along and flipped my world upside down.
I assume it’s much like the President of the United States feels when he sits in the Oval Office for the first time (forgive the reference, I’m watching a lot of The West Wing right now, and hello election season is here). But truly. He’s (some day SHE! but not yet…if you get my drift) got to have this feeling of “Yes, I did it. This is what I’m supposed to be doing”.
Or really anyone in any job they find that they love. Again, on the West Wing thing so that’s what came to my brain.
And it’s exactly how I feel with Emmy.
I was meant to do this mommy thing. This stay at home, make crafts, plan play dates. I’m all over it. I’m going to be “that mom” (which we’ll talk about at another time, the bad rap I think she gets). I’m not interested in going to a 9-5 job, not interested in having every weekend for a month packed with work stuff.
I’m interested in this tiny human of mine (and her future siblings). I’m interested in being with her each day, playing and teaching her. Raising her up in Christ, pointing her to Jesus in everything I do.
Now before I go on, I want to make it super clear that this mama isn’t the kind of mama for every mama out there. You still with me? For instance, my mom. Not a stay at home mom. But the best mom in the world. I never thought I missed out on something with her growing up because she wasn’t a stay at home mom. Quite frankly, I don’t see that in her personality and that’s totally ok. My mom is and was an incredible mother too us, even working a full time job. We never missed out or went without. I have friends now with babies the same age as Em who couldn’t wait to go back to work. You go, girl! You do you!
In case no one told you, every mom and child is different.
Being this stay at home mom is the job I’ve basically been waiting for my whole life. It fulfills me. It makes me happy. It gives me purpose.
I obviously couldn’t do it without Sonny, being the amazing supporter and provider for our family. Shout out to you, babe.
I wish I could go tell my eighteen year old self to cool my jets. That later in life I’d figure it all out, and that freaking out then about things wasn’t going to get me anywhere.
Being a mom has just clicked for me.
Not in a “I know everything” kind of way, but it’s all just come natural. When we brought her home from the hospital I remember being scared out of my mind.
I had heard the horror stories of what life with a new born was like.
But none of that happened for us (thank you, Jesus). My mom and mother in law stayed with us for a couple days and when they left I didn’t have this panic of “holy crap, now what do I do?”
I was fine. And totally confident that I could do this whole mothering thing.
It’s true when they tell you that your motherly instincts will kick in.
On most things.
Let’s face it. I still text my mom on the daily with questions.
But for the most part? I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, and have this over whelming feeling almost daily (because not all days are rainbows and butterflies) that this is what I was created to do.
It’s basically my dream job.
Do you have a dream job?

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